The Power of Assuming a New Identity: A Reliable Path to Changing Habits

Have you ever wondered why some people effortlessly adopt new habits while others struggle to make lasting changes? I’ve discovered the answer lies in the mindset we adopt during the process of habit formation.

I have grappled with changing habits throughout my life. I’ve tried countless methods and approaches to hack my habits, from extreme discipline to reward-based models. Once, I even attempted blackmailing myself into changing a habit. Most of these efforts only yielded short-lived results, and before I knew it, I was back to my old ways.

Through reflection and plenty of trial and error, I’ve found two powerful keys:

1) Make change alongside others instead of in isolation.

2) Focus on the identity of the person I am trying to become.

Seeking to help others recognize and disrupt this cycle, my business partner (aka my wife) and I hosted a group of my clients and loved ones throughout the month of June to embark on a journey of habit change together. Using the wisdom of James Clear’s book “Atomic Habits” as the foundation, we explored how his approach can lead to lasting habit change.

One of the most impactful gems I gathered from Clear's work is the magic of assuming the identity of the person you want to become. In this article, I share key takeaways from this identity-based approach that you can put into action right away in your life.

First things first, let's talk about the power of identity. When it comes to habits, many people focus solely on the desired outcome or the specific actions they need to take. However, Clear argues the real game-changer is embracing the belief that you are already the person you aspire to become.

It all starts with a change in perspective. Instead of telling yourself, "I want to lose weight," you start seeing yourself as someone who is already healthy and fit. Can you feel that shift in perspective? It’s like a metamorphosis has begun with only a simple change in behavior.

When you root your habits in your identity, they become a reflection of who you are. For instance, if you identify as a writer, writing consistently becomes second nature because, hey, that's just who you are! This alignment strengthens your commitment to and makes those habits an integral part of your being.

Embracing your desired identity reinforces the belief that change is possible. As you consistently embody the qualities and behaviors of the person you want to become, your self-image transforms, paving the way for lasting habit change. The more you reinforce this identity, the more those corresponding habits become like second nature.

Here are some practical steps to begin implementing an identity-based approach to habit change in your own life.

1. Clarify Your Desired Identity: Define the characteristics and behaviors of the person you aspire to be. Imagine how they think, act, and interact with the world.

2. Start Small: Begin with tiny, achievable habits that align with your desired identity. For example, if you want to be a more organized person, start by making your bed each morning.

3. Consistency Is Key: Stay the course with your chosen habits to reinforce your identity and strengthen the neural pathways associated with those habits.

4. Gradual Progression: As you gain momentum and confidence, level up habits gradually. Incremental steps will help solidify your progress.

Now, let me share a personal victory with you. During our group session in June, I embraced the identity of a devoted dog dad. We have two sweet pups, Kiko and Shanti, that love my care and attention. My morning is always packed full of preparing for the day before my first meetings at 7am, so walking them is often put off each day. Walking the dogs seemed like a habit I struggled to make time for, so, following Clears’ advice I took the identity of ‘becoming a devoted dog dad’. At first, it was all about small steps, like hanging the dog leash by the door and leaving my tennis shoes there too. These simple actions left me no excuse to deprive them of an early morning jaunt.

I tracked my progress and committed to these daily morning walks - no matter how short or long - for the full 30 days. At first, it was hard to get up and get moving, but after a couple weeks, I noticed my perception started to change. I started to look forward to the walks and my mornings became a joyous adventure with my furry friends.

As James Clear puts it, true transformation happens when you see yourself as the person you want to become, reinforcing the belief that change is possible. So, go ahead, embrace the power of your desired identity, and watch as your habits start to align with the extraordinary person you aspire to be...and already are.

(Note: This article is a creative interpretation and summary of James Clear's concepts from "Atomic Habits." Please refer to the book for a more comprehensive understanding of his ideas.)

Embracing Your Purpose: Answering the Call for a Purpose-Driven Life

I'm absolutely hooked on the Netflix series 'The Diplomat.' It's a fictional political drama set in the current global political climate. The story revolves around a newly appointed U.S. Ambassador to the U.K. I'm currently three-quarters into the first season, and I can't help but be inspired by the main character's unwavering determination to overcome obstacles.

In the show, Ambassador Wryler (played by Kerri Russell) collaborates with the U.K. to devise a response to a terror attack. Following a late-night revelation, the Ambassador summons her team to work overnight and implement a plan by morning. They all show up, ready to work tirelessly, driven by the goal of averting a nuclear conflict with Russia.

As I witnessed each team member willingly respond to the call of duty, a twinge of envy stirred within me. It made me realize that I long for that kind of call—to show up for an inspiring leader, to grasp the immense importance, relevance, and urgency of my work. It was profoundly moving to witness a team wholeheartedly committed to serving an inspiring leader for such a critical objective. Every member of her team got out of bed, left their families, and set aside any other responsibilities or distractions simply because they were called upon.

I promptly paused the episode to reach for my journal and capture this sensation, attempting to articulate its message to me. And here's what I wrote down:

'It's time to focus on what truly matters.’

That scene served as my call to action. Each of us possesses one precious life and an immensely important purpose. It's time we step up and take ownership of our lives and choices with unwavering conviction.

Upon further reflection on this scene, it became apparent that various factors hinder me from dedicating myself to what truly matters: the fear of disapproval from others, self-imposed limitations on what I believe is possible, selfishly hoarding resources, and making excuses to avoid extending generosity. While I'm still seeking clarity regarding the root cause of these obstacles, I do know that it's time to shed these limiting beliefs preventing me from responding with the same determination and resolve as the Ambassador and her team.

Some of you may already be aware of what is calling you, while others might need to remain open to whatever call comes your way. It could be a call to help prevent WWIII, a call to transition to a more purposeful career, or a call to finally express what you've been holding back.

As I write this, it's clear that you can use this article as your call to action. The world needs you to show up with passion and determination. We require your unique voice and your life force.

So, what are you waiting for? I implore you to lead a life of unwavering conviction, to find inspiration in a purpose-driven existence. If these words resonate with you and you feel the same inner pull I experienced, reach out to me, send a message. I'd be honored to help you clarify your calling.

Unlocking Your Dream Job

How Asking Two Simple Questions Can Transform Your Career

June 20, 2023

I consider myself incredibly fortunate to wake up every day and pursue my passion. However, it hasn't always been this way. I've taken on various jobs in the past that lacked fulfillment and glamor, such as spending two years providing bed baths to spine surgery patients for long 12-hour shifts. About seven years ago, I was fortunate enough to find an exceptional mentor who helped me discover the professional path that would bring the most fulfillment and align with my passion and purpose: leadership coaching. From that moment of clarity, I dedicated myself to gradually transitioning my work to be more closely connected to coaching. Just last year, I finally took the leap and fully embraced my identity as a coach. The transformation has been incredible. I'm genuinely thrilled to engage in my work, and I feel a strong sense of creativity and authenticity when working with my clients.

Feeling stuck in life and unsure about the direction we're heading is a common experience. We might believe that our ideal life is out of reach or struggle to redirect ourselves. I want to encourage you to dream big and realize that it is entirely possible to live the life you've always desired. To assist you in making decisions that align with your goals and dreams, I'd like to share a quick process that I personally went through. While this article focuses on asking for what you want in the workplace, the process can be applied just as effectively to relationships or other personal goals beyond work.

In fact, the inspiration for this article comes from a recent coaching session with a client who was dissatisfied with their job. This client holds a high-level leadership position in the tech industry and earns a substantial salary. However, the increased salary came at a cost. They are now overworked and pulled in directions that exceed the scope of their role. Consequently, their teammates often blame them for impeding progress toward important deadlines and business objectives. Feeling exhausted and unfulfilled, they question whether this role, despite the generous paycheck, is truly worth it.

During our coaching session, I assisted the client in creating a list of requests to present to their boss, the CEO, in order to make their work more impactful and aligned with their preferences. However, while we formulated this list, I encouraged them to pause and reflect on whether they genuinely desired this role in any form, even if all of their requests were granted by the CEO. The client is currently in the process of clarifying their answer to this crucial question, but I couldn't wait to emphasize the significance of this pause.

I absolutely love it when people have the courage and vulnerability to ask for what they truly want, what they really, really want. Through my coaching practice, I've discovered that when you ask for what you want but aren't willing to demonstrate your commitment to making it happen, you undermine the likelihood of successfully aligning yourself with your aspirations.

Therefore, it's essential to take a moment and ask a clarifying question before making terms-altering requests to your boss, partner, or anyone else. I invite you to follow a quick two-question process that will help clarify whether you're on the right path and ready to claim a life that aligns best with your goals and preferences:

Question 1: Can I envision a version of this role that completely aligns with the ideal role I aspire to?

→ If it's a resounding "hell yes!" then proceed to Question 2.

→ If it's not a resounding "hell yes!" then it's likely a "hell no." In that case, determine why you're staying in this role and establish a timeframe for how long you're willing to endure it before reassessing. Commit to not questioning your decision during this predetermined period, and then revisit Question 1 when the time comes. Consider setting a reminder in your calendar to prompt you to reevaluate the alignment of your role.

Question 2: Am I prepared to dedicate myself to the work required to reach that point?

→ If it's a resounding "hell yes!" then excellent! Get to work, and rest assured that this role has the potential to become your dream job.

→ If it's not a resounding "yes" then figure out what you are willing to do to transform your work into something you genuinely desire. This may involve creating a new role for yourself or even exploring new job opportunities that align better with your aspirations.

A few years ago, I underwent this two-step questioning process when I had a clear vision of becoming a personal development coach. At the time, I held the position of local director at a large non-profit organization. I was earning the highest salary I had ever received, and my job felt meaningful and generally fulfilling. However, I sensed that my role at work wasn't fully aligned with my unique strengths and preferences. The most significant misalignment was my strong desire to travel, embark on adventures, and have autonomy over my schedule. The organization expected a traditional 9-to-5 commitment, placing importance on physical presence in the office and being available for early morning emergency calls from staff members. It felt as though I was trying to fit a large, round peg into a small square hole.

When contemplating my future in that role, I saw two primary options:

Choice #1: Maintain the Status Quo. It would have been easy to simply endure my circumstances and suppress my preferences until I eventually accepted the role as it was. This choice would have provided financial security, and I likely would have received a promotion with increased responsibilities within 2-3 years.

Choice #2: Make the Ask. Alternatively, I could have asked for what I wanted and committed to working hard to mold the role to suit my preferences. This would have involved setting boundaries regarding emergency communications with my team, strategically utilizing vacation time, and requesting extended leave to pursue my adventurous aspirations.

However, in the end, I chose neither. I opted for a third option. I paused and asked myself the same two questions:

Question 1: Can I envision a version of this role that completely aligns with my ideal, aspirational role?

Question 2: Am I prepared to dedicate myself to the work required to reach that point?

Asking myself these questions provided me with the clarity that this job would never fully align with my deepest preferences, and I wasn't willing to invest the effort or time necessary to try. I openly shared this realization with my manager without requesting any changes to the position. Instead, I approached her with honesty and clarity, communicating my aspirations for my work life. In response, she inquired if there was any way she could adapt the role to make me want to stay. Deep down, I knew that nothing could be done to achieve that; the differences in the role were beyond the scope of alteration. After conveying this to her and expressing my gratitude for our relationship, she began formulating an offer for me to consult with the organization on a contract basis. This new arrangement fully aligned with my preferences and leverage my unique talents. That marked the beginning of my coaching career, and now, four years later, the organization continues to contract my services to coach their operational leaders.

Transforming dreams into reality requires a great deal of energy and focus. You must find motivation in the desired outcome and allow the future realization of your goals to propel you forward. I frequently pause and ask myself these questions, and this moment of reflection has proven invaluable in clarifying my desires before taking action. It has also yielded positive results for my clients. Since beginning writing this article, the client I mentioned earlier has discovered that their current role isn't the right fit for them. While they have requested changes to improve their work environment, they are actively searching for a new role that aligns with their aspirational life.

If you've been feeling stuck or dissatisfied at work, or if your current role fails to fulfill you, I encourage you to ask yourself these two quick questions to gain clarity and guide your next steps. Sometimes, a pause is exactly what we need before making a significant leap.